The Benefits of Masturbating with a Sex Toy

What is masturbation?

Masturbation means sexual self-stimulation, and there are many ways people might do it, since different people want and need different kinds of stimulation when it comes to arousal and orgasm. There is no one way to masturbate. 

In case you’re wondering–there is nothing wrong with masturbation as long as you do it in a safe fashion. Masturbation is very, very common and sex therapists and other experts often consider it a baseline way to get comfortable and informed about your own sexuality – not to mention a way to experience pleasure and mindfulness any time you have the privacy to do it, and a great addition to any self-care routine. 

Why someone might masturbate with a sex toy 

Sex toys could also be called tools, really, because they generally allow us to do things (like masturbate or have an orgasm) more easily, or allow us to do a greater range of stimulating things. We do not have to use toys to enjoy masturbation or partnered sex. But many people like erotic experiences better with a toy, or respond better or faster when a toy is used. 
Here are some situations in which toy play might be a great addition to masturbation. Some doctors or sex therapists may even recommend their use. This is not a complete guide to masturbation basics, but some readers might recognize themselves in these examples.

Using sex toys to help find orgasms

For some, orgasm can be elusive. Many have never experienced one at all, or did not recognize it to be an orgasm because they have heard so many references to explosions or volcanoes that they expected orgasm to be something it often isn’t. No one learns how to masturbate in sex ed – it is so often a (sometimes secretive) process of self-discovery. 

Orgasm is a learned response, and because of the differences in the way we respond, it can take a while to recognize what we want–and basically, to learn how to come.

Both masturbation and toy use can really help with this–masturbation, because you can focus on what is maximizing your pleasure rather than trying to explain it to a partner; and toys, because so many toys, like vibrators, let you add more sensation. 

Not every O is equal

Here are some common reasons someone might not experience orgasm readily or at all:

Medication or medical conditions might interfere.

Many antidepressants, some other medications, and some disabilities make orgasm harder to attain. If you are on any meds or have a disability (especially one that affects sensation or mobility), trying toys during masturbation might help. Hopefully you have an informed and supportive doctor and/or care team so you can confer about this. 

Some single people really value toy use.

For one thing, certain toys can remind them of partners’ bodies (a realistic dildo can bring to mind a penis, a masturbation sleeve or stroker can feel something like a vagina or anus). For another, part of high arousal states can include the presence of a partner and if a partner isn’t there, some people might want extra sensation, which toys can provide.

However, we should definitely make sure we state that having a partner does not guarantee orgasm! If it did, there would be no orgasm gap. For some, it is much easier to have an orgasm while alone, which allows self-focus without distraction. 

Explore your body and get in touch with yourself.

This is related to the “haven’t learned how yet” situation mentioned above. If a person hasn’t experienced high arousal states and don’t really know what might turn them on, exploration is definitely in order. A person who doesn’t understand that coming into your sexuality can be a process may think they are somehow broken. Rather, they need to learn.

Benefits of using a sex toy during masturbation 

There are so many! And they may not be the same for all people. Keep an open mind to learn what masturbation and toys can add to your sex life and your own self-knowledge. 

Exploring different sensations during sex 

With or without a partner in your life, masturbating with toys allows you to explore more of your body in different ways, learning about what you like–and about your boundaries, perhaps, too.

Stronger orgasms 

Many toys let you build up to greater levels of arousal, explore edging by holding off orgasm to let your turn-on grow, and experience blended orgasms by stimulating more than one erotically charged area of the body at once. Orgasm with a sex toy can be a powerful, pleasurable experience. 

Faster orgasms (great for quickie sex) 

Is the opposite of edging “going for the fastest possible orgasm”? Maybe! And toys let you go for it in record time, especially when you find the one/s you respond to most strongly.

Explore kinks 

Your fantasies might lead you in a kinky direction… and there are many sex toys that can keep up with you if you want to explore intense sensation, large penetration play, and more. For some, trying anal toys would count as exploring kink. 

Reach new positions

Getting to orgasm in some scenarios is tricky. In a slippery shower, on an unstable pile of pillows… in many cases there are toys that have been made expressly to help you reach new heights, or at least assume new angles that let you look in the mirror.  

People with vulvas are more likely to climax with a toy 

Those with vulvas often find it easier to get off with clitoral vibration or a blended orgasm (using a vibe plus a dildo or plug, or a rabbit toy that features both kinds of stimulation). Explore all that during masturbation! And if you have a partner, take your knowledge into sex with them, and beat the orgasm gap by adding clitoral stimulation while having intercourse.

Selecting the right sex toy for you 

There are many types of sex toy–and countless examples within each category! So consider what you’d like to experience. What kind of genitals do you have, and is that what you’d like to explore and stimulate?

There are lots of toys targeted towards beginners, and sets that allow you to explore your options. There are toys that focus especially on the clitoris, penis, vagina and G-spot, anus and prostate, nipples, and more.

If you’re not sure what you’d like to try in the first place, consider a toy-positive sex book like The Sex & Pleasure Book to read up on options. 

Once you’ve considered what part/s you’d like to stimulate, look for toys that are designed for that purpose. Consider size, shape, and materials. Do you want a dildo or vibe that looks like a penis–or not? For some, the shape matters a lot. Speaking of penises, many have never tried a penis sex toy that stimulates via vibration, sleeve action, or both. 

After you’ve begun exploring, you might find you want to try new forms of pleasure in the future!

How to masturbate with a sex toy

Lube up

Whether you have a vulva or a penis or any other type of pleasure anatomy, you’ll want to bring in some lube! Lubricant can make touch feel slippery and sexy; it is crucial for penetration, especially anal; and it lets you explore the difference between a “dry touch” and a lubed one.

Choose a lube that works well with your body and with your toy/s. If you have silicone sex playthings, you probably want a non-silicone lube. Here’s our 101 on Lubricants, and our Guide to Anal Lubes.

Explore beyond the genitals

Before going straight below the belt, experiment and explore with your toy and sensation. Many toys - like external vibes and wand vibrators - let you explore anywhere on your body, and this is great practice. You can grow your arousal and anticipation when you tease yourself and take time before you contact your genitals.

Plus, what if one of your sexiest areas is not between your legs? Wouldn’t you want to find it? The body is covered with erogenous zones, many of which can be unique to our bodies. Maybe your most O-worthy spot isn’t in your pants!

Try different ways to position your body 

For many, orgasm is easier to achieve and/or stronger in a certain position. Explore varying ways to lie down (or sit or stand or…?) so you can learn more about your own preferred positioning. Or practice sex styles (with the help of positioning furniture that holds a toy for you) that compare to different partner sex positions so you’ll be able to maximize those too.

Spice up your routine with different types of toys 

Many toy fans find one or two playthings they really love–which is fantastic, but remember there are always other toys waiting for you to play with in different ways. You don’t have to do the same thing every time.

Masturbation–and all the toys that can enhance it and switch it up–is YOUR time. Enjoy all your pathways to pleasure!